Forward, the science is a sun ...
Dropdown Menu
Dropdown Menu
Previous Page/Back
Forward Page/Next
Main List
Search
 
Empirical Laws
(Murphy's Laws and Other Observations about Life)
Please, have in mind that the life is not so bad as it may look!

The material below is collected from different sources, mostly over the Internet

The original Murphy's Law reads:
"If there are two or more ways to do something, and one of those ways can result in a catastrophe, then someone will do it."

Edward Aloysius Murphy Jr. (January 11, 1918 – July 17, 1990) was one of the engineers on the rocket-sled experiments that were done by the US Air Force in 1949 to test human acceleration tolerances (USAF project MX981). One experiment involved a set of 16 accelerometers mounted to different parts of the subject's body. There were two ways each sensor could be glued to its mount. Somebody managed to install all 16 sensors the wrong way around. Murphy then made the original form of his pronouncement, which the test subject (Major John Paul Stapp) paraphrased at a news event a few days later.

Within months "Murphy's Law" had spread to various technical cultures connected to aerospace engineering. It was included the Webster's dictionary for the first time in 1958. By the time it appeared in different forms of "Anything that can go wrong, will (at the worst possible moment)." In facth, this is "Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives" (known also as "Finagle's corrollary to Murphy's Law") and, hence Murphy's Law applies to Murphy's Law; in particular the law we refer as "Murphy's Law" was never uttered by Edward Murphy. Finagle's Law was popularized by science fiction author Larry Niven in stories depicting a frontier culture of asteroid miners; this "Belter" culture professed a religion and/or a running joke involving the worship of the dread god Finagle and his mad prophet Murphy.

For more infom see the Wikipedia articles Edward A. Murphy Jr. and Murphy's law

The list below is only partial. It seems that the complete list, if it exists, involves at least 2000 laws, observations etc. and it is under constant update.

Empirical Laws

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

 Title  Formulation
A     A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Abbott's Admonitions
  1. If you have to ask, you're not entitled to know.
  2. If you don't like the answer, you shouldn't have asked the question.
Acton's Law Power tends to corrupt; absolute power corrupts absolutely..
Ade's Law Anybody can win -unless there happens to be a second entry.
Air Force Law 2% don't get the word.
Airplane Law When the plane you are on is late, the plane you want to transfer to is on time.If you are early for a flight, the plane will be late. If you are running even slightly behind, the flight will depart exactly on time (or early).
Alley's Axiom Justice always prevails ... three times out of seven.
Allison's Precept The best simple-minded test of expertise in a particular area is the ability to win money in a series of bets on future occurrences in that area.
Law of Annoyance When working on a project, if you put away a tool that you're certain you're finished with, you will need it instantly.
Anthony's Law of Force Don't force it, get a larger hammer.
Anthony's Law of the Workshop Any tool, when dropped, will roll into the least accessible corner of the workshop.
Corollary: On the way to the corner, any dropped tool will first strike your toes.
Anthony's Law Crollary On the way to the corner, any dropped tool will first always strike your toes.
Army Axiom Any order that can be misunderstood has been misunderstood.
Atwoods Corollary No books are lost by lending except those you particularly wanted to keep.
Axiom of the Pipe (Trischmann's Paradox) A pipe gives a wise man time to think and a fool something to stick in his mouth.
B     A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Baker's Law Misery no longer loves company. Nowadays it insists on it.
Barber's Laws of Backpacking
  1. The integral of the gravitational potential taken around any loop trail you choose to hike always comes out positive.
  2. Any stone in your boot always migrates against the pressure gradient to exactly the point of most pressure.
  3. The weight of your pack increases in direct proportion to the amount of food you consume from it. If you run out of food, the pack weight goes on increasing anyway.
  4. The number of stones in your boot is directly proportional to the number of hours you have been on the trail.
  5. The difficulty of finding any given trail marker is directly proportional to the importance of the consequences of failing to find it.
  6. The size of each of the stones in your boot is directly proportional to the number of hours you have been on the trail.
  7. The remaining distance to your chosen campsite remains constant as twilight approaches.
  8. The net weight of your boots is proportional to the cube of the number of hours you have been on the trail.
  9. When you arrive at your chosen campsite, it is full.
  10. If you take your boots off, you'll never get them back on again.
  11. The local density of mosquitos is inversely proportional to
    your remaining repellent.
Berra's First Law You can observe a lot just by watching.
Barth's Distinction There are two types of people: those who divide people into two types, and those who don't.
Barzun's Laws of Learning
  1. The simple but difficult arts of paying attention, copying accurately, following an argument, detecting an ambiguity or a false inference, testing guesses by summoning up contrary instances, organizing one's time and one's thought for study -- all these arts -- cannot be taught in the air but only through the difficulties of a defined subject. They cannot be taught in one course or one year, but must be acquired gradually in dozens of connections.
  2. The analogy to athletics must be pressed until all recognize
    that in the exercise of Intellect those who lack the muscles,
    coordination, and will power can claim no place at the
    training table, let alone on the playing field.
Forthoffer's Cynical Summary of Barzun's Laws
  1. That which has not yet been taught directly can never be taught directly.
  2. If at first you don't succeed, you will never succeed.
Baxter's Laws
  1. Government intervention in the free market always leads to a lower national standard of living
  2. The adoption of fractional gold reserves in a currency system always leads to depreciation, devaluation, demonetization and, ultimately, to complete destruction of that currency.
  3. In a free market good money always drives bad money
    out of circulation.
Becker's Law It is much harder to find a job than to keep one.
Beifeld's Principle The probability of a young man meeting a desirable and receptive young female increases by pyramidal progression when he is already in the company of
(a) a date,
(b) his wife, and
(c) a better looking and richer male friend.
Benchley's Rule Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it is not the work he is supposed to be doing at that moment.
Bicycle Law All bicycles weigh 50 pounds:
A 30-pound bicycle needs a 20-pound lock and chain.
A 40-pound bicycle needs a 10-pound lock and chain.
A 50-pound bicycle needs no lock or chain.
Bilbo's Proverb Never laugh at live dragons
Biondi's Law If your project doesn't work, look for the part you didn't think was important.
Blaauw's Law Established technology tends to persist in spite of new technology.
Booker's Law An ounce of application is worth a ton of abstraction.
Boren's Laws
  1. When in doubt, mumble.
  2. When in trouble, delegate.
  3. When in charge, ponder.
Bowie's Theorem If an experiment works, you must be using the wrong equipment.
Brooke's Law Adding manpower to a late software makes it later.
Brien's First Law At some time in the life cycle of virtually every organization,
its ability to succeed in spite of itself runs out.
Brook's Laws
  1. Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later
  2. If at first you don't succeed, transform your data set!
Brown's Law of Business Success Our customer's paperwork is profit. Our own paperwork is loss
Bucy's Law Nothing is ever accomplished by a reasonable man.
Bustlin' Billy's Bogus Beliefs
  1. The organization of any program reflects the organization of the people who develop it
  2. There is no such thing as a "dirty capitalist", only a capitalist.
  3. Anything is possible, but nothing is easy.
  4. Capitalism can exist in one of only two states -- welfare or warfare.
  5. I'd rather go whoring than warring.
  6. History proves nothing.
  7. There is nothing so unbecoming on the beach as a wet kilt.
  8. A little humility is arrogance.
  9. A lot of what appears to be progress is just so much
    technological rococo.
Bye's Laws of Model Railroading
  1. Anytime you wish to demonstrate something, the number of faults is proportional to the number of viewers.
  2. The desire for modeling a prototype is inversely proportional
    to the decline of the prototype.
C     A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Cahn's Axiom When all else fails, read the instructions
Camp's Law A coup that is known in advance is a coup that does not take place.
Canada Bill Jones' Motto It's morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money
Canada Bill Jones' Supplement A Smith and Wesson beats four aces
George Carlin's Driving Law Everyone driving slower than you is an idiot. Everyone driving faster than you is a maniac.
Cheop's Law Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget.
Chisholm's Law of Human Interactio Anytime things appear to be going better you have overlooked something.
Chisholm's Third Law Proposals, as understood by the proposer, will be judged otherwise by others.
Chisholm's Third Law Corollaries
  1. If you explain so clearly that nobody can misunderstand, somebody will.
  2. If you do something which you are sure will meet with everyone's approval, somebody won't like it.
  3. Procedures devised to implement the purpose
    won't quite work.
  4. No matter how long or how many times you explain, no one is listening.
Christgav's First Law Trust your brother but not too damn much.
Churchill's Commentary on Man Man will occasionally stumble over the truth but most of the
time he will pick himself up and continue on
Clarke's Laws
  1. When a distinguished but elderly scientist states that something is possible, he is almost certainly right.
  2. When he states that something is impossible, he is very probably wrong.
  3. Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.
  4. The only way to discover the limits of the possible is to go beyond them into the impossible.
Arthur C. Clarke's Third Law Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.
Clarke's Law of Revolutionary Ideas
  1. "The check is in the mail."
  2. "I'm from the government and I'm here to help you."
  3. "Of course I'll respect you in the morning."
Cohen's Law What really matters is the name you succeed in imposing on the
facts -- not the facts themselves.
Cole's Law Thinly sliced cabbage.
Commoner's Three Laws of Ecology
  1. No action is without side-effects.
  2. Nothing ever goes away.
  3. There is no free lunch.
Conway's Law In any organization, there will always be one person who knows what's going on. That person must be fired.
Cook's Law Much work -- much food,
little work -- little food,
no work -- burial at sea.
Cornuelle's Law Authority tends to assign jobs to those least able to do them.
Cushman's Law A fail-safe circuit will destroy others.
Crane's Law (Friedman's Reiteration There ain't no such thing as a free lunch
E. E. Cummings' Summation of Politics A politician is an arse upon which everyone has sat except a man.
D     A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Darrow's Observation History repeats itself. That's one of the things wrong with history.
Darwin's Observation Nature will tell you a direct lie if she can.
First Law of Debate Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.
Decaprio's Rule Everything takes more time and money
Diogenes' First Dictum The more heavily a man is supposed to be taxed, the more power he has to escape being taxed.
Diogenes' Second Dictum If a taxpayer thinks he can cheat safely, he probably will.
Donsen's Law The specialist learns more and more about less and less until, finally, he knows everything about nothing; whereas the generalist learns less and less about more and more until, finally, he knows nothing about everything.
Dow's Law In a hierarchical organization, the higher, the greater the confusion.
Ducharme's Precept Opportunity always knocks at the least opportune moment.
Dude's Law of Duality Of two possible events, only the undesired one will occur.
Dunne's Law The territory behind rhetoric is too often mined with equivocation.
Dunn's Discovery The shortest measurable interval of time is the time between the moment one puts a little extra aside for a sudden emergency and the arrival of that emergency.
Durant's Discovery One of the lessons of history is that nothing is often a good thing to do and always a clever thing to say.
E     A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Edison's Axiom We don't know one-millionth of one percent about anything.
Ehrman's Corollary to Ginsberg's Theorem
  1. Things will get worse before they get better.
  2. Who said things would get better.
Eleventh Law for Naive Engineers Interchangeable parts won't.
Ettorre's Observation The other line moves faster.
Evan's Law of Politics When team members are finally in a position to help the team, it turns out they have quit the team.
Everitt's Form of the Second Law of Thermodynamics. Confusion (entropy) is always increasing in society.
Only if someone or something works extremely hard can this confusion be reduced to order in a limited region.
Nevertheless, this effort will still result in an increase in the total confusion of society at large.
Executive Umbrella Law A businessman needs three umbrellas: one to leave at the office, one to leave at home, and one to leave on the train.
Nonreciprocal Laws of Expectations
  1. Negative expectations yield negative results.
  2. Positive expectations yield negative results.
Extended Epstein-Heisenberg Principle In an R & D orbit, only 2 of the existing 3 parameters can be defined simultaneously.
The parameters are: Time and Resources ($).
  1. If one knows what the task is, and there is a time limit allowed for the completion of the task, then one cannot guess
    how much it will cost.
  2. If the time and resources ($) are clearly defined, then it is impossible to know what part of the R & D task will be performed.
  3. If you are given a clearly defined R & D goal and a definite amount of money which has been calculated to be necessary for the completion of the task, one cannot predict if and when the goal will be reached.
  4. If one is lucky enough and can accuratly define all 3
    parameters, then what one deals with is not in the realm of R & D.
F     A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Fagin's Rule Hindsight is an exact science.
Farber's Laws
  1. Give him an inch and he'll screw you.
  2. A hand in the bush is worth two anywhere else.
  3. We're all going down the same road in different directions.
  4. Necessity is the mother of strange bedfellows.
Farber's Fifth Rule You have taken yourself too seriously.
Featherkile's Rule Whatever you did, that's what you planned.
Finagle's Laws
  1. If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.
  2. No matter what result is anticipated, there will always be someone eager to
    (a) misinterpret it,
    (b) fake it, or
    (c) believe it happened to his own pet theory.
  3. In any collection of data, the figure most obviously correct, beyond all need of checking, is the mistake.
    Corollary 1: No one whom you ask for help will see it.
    Corollary 2: Everyone who stops by with unsought advice will see it immediately.
  4. Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it only makes it worse.
Finagle's Rules Ever since the first scientific experiment, man has been plagued by the increasing antagonism of nature. It seems only right that nature should be logical and neat, but experience has shown that this is not the case. A further series of rules has been formulated, designed to help man accept the pigheadedness of nature.
  1. To study a subject best, understand it thoroughly before you start.
  2. Always keep a record of data. It indicates you've been working.
  3. Always draw your curves, then plot the reading.
  4. In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.
  5. Experiments should be reproducible. They should all fail in the same way.
  6. Do not believe in miracles. Rely on them.
First Law of Bicycling No matter which way you ride it's uphill and against the wind.
First Law of Bridge It's always the partner's fault.
First Law of Canoeing (Alfred Andrews' Canoeing Postulate) No matter which direction you start it's always against the wind coming back.
First Law of Debate Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.
First Law of Office Holders Get re-elected.
Fitz-Gibbon's Law Creativity varies inversely with the number of cooks involved with the broth.
Flap's Law Any inanimate object, regardless of its position or configuration, may be expected to perform at any time in a totally unexpected manner for reasons that are either entirely obscure or else completely mysterious.
Forsyth's Second Corollary to Murphy's Laws Just when you see the light at the end of the tunnel, the roof caves in.
Fortis' Three Great Lies of Life
  1. Money isn't everything.
  2. It's great to be a Negro.
  3. I'm only going to put it in a little way.
Fourteenth Corollary of Atwood's General Law of Dynamic Negatives No books are lost by loaning except those you particularly wanted to keep.
Fourth Law of Thermodynamics If the probability of success is not almost one, it is damn near zero.
Franklin's Rule Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall not be disappointed.
Froud's Law A transistor protected by a fast-acting fuse will protect the fuse by blowing first.
G     A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
David Gerrold's Laws of Infernal Dynamics
  1. An object in motion will always be headed in the wrong direction.
  2. An object at rest will always be in the wrong place.
  3. The energy required to change either one of these states will always be more than you wish to expend, but never so much as to make the task totally impossible.
Gilb's Laws of Unreliability
  1. Computers are unreliable, but humans are even more unreliable. Corollary: At the source of every error which is blamed on the
    computer you will find at least two human errors, including the error of blaming it on the computer.
  2. Any system which depends on human reliability is unreliable.
  3. The only difference between the fool and the criminal who attacks a system is that the fool attacks unpredictably and on a broader front.
  4. Undetectable errors are infinite in variety, in contrast to detectable errors, which by definition are limited.
  5. Investment in reliability will increase until it exceeds the probable cost of errors, or until someone insists on getting some useful work done.
Ginsberg's Theorem
  1. You can't win.
  2. You can't break even.
  3. You can't even quit the game.
DiGiovanni's Law The number of laws expands to fill the publishing space available.
Golden Rules of Indulgence
  1. Everything in excess!
  2. To enjoy the full flavor of life, take big bytes.
  3. Moderation is for monks.
  4. Yield to temptation; it may never pass your way again.
Gourd's Axiom A meeting is an event at which the minutes are kept and the hours are lost.
Gray's Law of Programming 'n+1' trivial tasks are expected to be accomplished in the same time as 'n' trivial tasks.
Logg's Rebuttal to Gray's Law of Programming 'n+1' trivial tasks take twice as long as 'n' trivial tasks.
Gresham's Law

Trivial matters are handled promptly; important matters are never solved.

Ginsberg's Theorems
  1. You can't win.
  2. You can't break even.
  3. You can't even quit the game.
The Golden rule of arts and sciences Whoever has the gold makes the rules.
Golub's Laws of Computerdom
  1. Fuzzy project objectives are used to avoid embarrassment of estimating the corresponding costs.
  2. A carelessly planned project takes three times longer to complete than expected; a carefully planned project takes only twice as long.
  3. The effort required to correct course increases geometrically with time.
  4. Project teams detest weekly progress reporting because it so vividly manifests their lack of progress.
Gordon's first law If a research project is not worth doing at all, it is not worth doing well.
Grosch's Law Computing power increases as the square of the cost. If you want to do it twice as cheaply, you have to do it four times as fast.
Gummidge'e Law The amount of expertise varies in inverse proportion to the number of statements understood by the general public.
Gumperson's Law The probability of anything happening is in inverse ratio to its desirability.
H     A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Hacker's Law of Personnel Anyone having supervisory responsibility for the completion of a task will invariably protest that more resources are needed
Hagerty's Law If you lose your temper at a newspaper columnist, he'll get rich or famous or both.
Haldane's Law The Universe is not only queerer than we imagine; it is queerer than we CAN imagine.
Harper's Magazine's Law You never find an article until you replace it.
Hartley's First Law You can lead a horse to water, but if you can get him to float on his back you've got something.
Hartley's Second Law Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.
Harvard Law Under the most rigorously controlled conditions of pressure, temperature, volume, humidity, and other variables, the organism will do as it damn well pleases.
Heller's Law The first myth of management is that it exists.
Hendrickson's Law If a problem causes many meetings, the meetings eventually become more important than the problem.
Hiram's Law If you consult enough experts you can confirm any opinion.
Hoare's Law of Large Programs Inside every large program is a small program struggling to get out.
Horner's Five Thumb Postulate Experience varies directly with equipment ruined.
Howard's First Law of Theater Use it
Howe's Law Every man has a scheme that will not work.
Hubbard's Law The world gets better every day -- then worse again in the evening.
Hull's Theorem The combined pull of several patrons is the sum of their separate pulls multiplied by the number of patrons
I     A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
IBM Pollyanna Principle Machines should work. People should think
Iditiotproofing law If you ever make something idiotproof, nature will invent a better idiot.
Iles's Law There is an easier way to do it.
Iles's Law corolaaries
  1. When looking directly at the easier way, especially for long periods, you will not see it.
  2. Neither will Iles.
Imhoff's Law The organization of any bureaucracy is very much like a septic tank -- the REALLY big chunks always rise to the top.
Law of the Individual: Nobody really cares or understands what anyone else is doing.
Laws of Institutional Food
  1. Everything is cold except what should be.
  2. Everything, including the corn flakes, is greasy.
Iron Law of Distribution Them what has - gets.
Issawi's Law of Dogmatism When we call others dogmatic, what we really object to is their holding dogmas that are different from our own.
Issawi's Laws of Progress:
  1. The Course of Progress: Most things get steadily worse.
  2. The Path of Progress: A shortcut is the longest distance between two points.
  3. The Dialectics of Progress: Direct action produces direct reaction.
  4. The Pace of Progress: Society is a mule, not a carŠ If pressed too hard, it will kick and throw off its rider.
First Postulate of Isomurphism Things equal to nothing else are equal to each other.
Italian Proverb She who is silent consents.
J     A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Jacquin's Postulate on Democratic Governments No man's life, liberty or property are safe while the legislature is in session.
Jay's Laws of Leadership
  1. Changing things is central to leadership, and changing them before anyone else is creativeness.
  2. To build something that endures, it is of the greatest importance to have a long tenure in office -- to rule for many years. You can achieve a quick success in a year or two, but nearly all of the great tycoons have continued their building much longer.
Jenkinson's Law It won't work.
John Cameron's Law No matter how many times you've had it, if it's offered, take it, because it'll never be quite the same again.
John's Axiom When your opponent is down, kick him
John's Collateral Corollary In order to get a loan you must first prove you don't need it.
Jones' Law of Museums The most interesting specimen will not be labeled.
Johnson's Corollary to Heller's Law Nobody really knows what is going on anywhere within your organization.
Johnson's First Law of Auto Repair Any tool dropped while repairing an automobile will roll under the car to the vehicle's exact geographic center.
Johnson's Third Law If you miss one issue of any magazine, it will be the issue that contains the article, story or installment you were most anxious to read.
Corollary to Johnson's Third Law All of your friends either missed it, lost it or threw it out.
Johnson-Laird's Law Toothache tends to start on Saturday night.
Jones' Law The man who can smile when things go wrong has thought of someone he can blame it on.
Jones' Motto Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
K     A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Kamin's Laws
  1. All currencies will decrease in value and purchasing power over the long term, unless they are freely and
    fully convertable into gold and that gold is traded freely without restrictions of any kind.
  2. Threat of capital controls accelerates marginal capital outflows.
  3. Combined total taxation from all levels of government will always increase (until the government is replaced by war or revolution).
  4. Government inflation is always worse than statistics indicate; central bankers are biased toward inflation when the money unit is non-convertible, and without gold or silver backing.
  5. Purchasing power of currency is always lost far more rapidly than ever regained. (Those who expect even fluctuations in both directions play a losing game.)
  6. When attempting to predict and forcast macro-economic moves or economic legislation by a politician, never be misled by what he says; instead watch what he does.
  7. Politicians will always inflate when given the opportunity.
Abraham Kaplan's Law of the Instrument Give a small boy a hammer and he will find that everything he encounters needs pounding.
Katz's Law Men and nations will act rationally when all other possibilities have been exhausted.
Katz's Maxims
  1. Where are the calculations that go with the calculated risk?
  2. Inventing is easy for staff outfits. Stating a problem is much harder. Instead of stating problems, people like to pass out half- accurate statements together with half-available solutions which they can't finish and which they want you to finish.
  3. Every organization is self-perpetuating. Don't ever ask an outfit to justify itself, or you'll be covered with facts, figures, and fancy. The criterion should rather be, "What will happen if the outfit stops doing what it's doing?" The value of an organization is more easily determined this way.
  4. Try to find out who's doing the work, not who's writing about it, controlling it, or summarizing it.
  5. Watch out for formal briefings; they often produce an avalanche (a high-level snow job of massive and overwhelming proportions).
  6. The difficulty of the coordination task often blinds one to the fact that a fully coordinated piece of paper is not supposed to be either the major or the final product of the organization, but it often turns out that way.
  7. Most organizations can't hold more than one idea at a time. Thus complementary ideas are always regarded as competetive. Further, like a quantized pendulum, an organization can jump from one extreme to the other, without ever going through the middle.
  8. Try to find the real tense of the report you are reading: Was it done, is it being done, or is it something to be done? Reports are now written in four tenses: past tense, present tense, future tense, and pretense. Watch for novel uses of "contractor grammar", defined by the imperfect past, the insufficient present, and the absolutely perfect future.
Kelly's Law An executive will always return to work from lunch early if no one takes him.
Ken's Law A flying particle will always seek the nearest eye.
Kerr-Martin Law
  1. In dealing with their OWN problems, faculty members are the most extreme conservatives.
  2. In dealing with OTHER people's problems, they are the world's most extreme liberals.
Kirkland's Law The usefulness of any meeting is in inverse proportion to the attendance.
Kitman's Law Pure drivel tends to drive off the TV screen ordinary drivel.
Klipstein's Observation Any product cut to length will be too short.
Knight's Law Life is what happens to you while you are making other plans.
L     A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Lani's Principles of Economics
  1. Taxes are not levied for the benefit of the taxed.
  2. $100 placed at 7% interest compounded quarterly for 200 years will increase to more than $100,000,000 by which time it will be worth nothing.
  3. In God we trust, all others pay cash.
La Rochefoucauld's Law It is more shameful to distrust one's friends than to be deceived by them.
Law of Communications The inevitable result of improved and enlarged communications between different levels in a hierarchy is a vastly increased area of misunderstanding.
Laws of Computer Programming
  1. Any given program, when running, is obsolete.
  2. Any given program costs more and takes longer each time it is run.
  3. If a program is useful, it will have to be changed.
  4. If a program is useless, it will have to be documented.
  5. Any given program will expand to fill all the available memory.
  6. The value of a program is inversely proportional to the weight of its output.
  7. Program complexity grows until it exceeds the capability of the programmer who must maintain it.
Law of Computability Applied to Social Science If at first you don't succeed, transform your data set.
Law of Selective Gravity (The Buttered Side Down Law) An object will fall so as to do the most damage.
Law of the Perversity of Nature (Mrs. Murphy's Corollary) You cannot successfully determine beforehand which side of the bread to butter.
Law of Superiority The first example of superior principle is always inferior to the developed example of inferior principle.
Laws of Computerdom According to Golub
  1. Fuzzy project objectives are used to avoid the embarrassment of estimating the corresponding costs.
  2. A carelessly planned project takes three times longer to complete than expected; a carefully planned project will take only twice as long.
  3. The effort required to correct course increases geometrically with time.
  4. Project teams detest weekly progress reporting because it so vividly manifests their lack of progress
Laws of Computer Programming
  1. Any given program, when running, is obsolete.
  2. Any given program costs more and takes longer.
  3. If a program is useful, it will have to be changed.
  4. If a program is useless, it will have to be documented.
  5. Any given program will expand to fill all available memory.
  6. The value of a program is proportional to the weight of its output.
  7. Program complexity grows until it exceeds the capability of the programmer who must maintain it.
  8. Make it possible for programmers to write programs in English, and you will find that programmers cannot write in English.
Laws of Gardening
  1. Other people's tools work only in other people's yards.
  2. Fanzy gizmos don't work.
  3. If nobody uses it, there's a reason.
  4. You get the most of what you need the least.
Laws of time
  1. If you have something to do, and you put it off long enough, chances are someone else will do it for you.
  2. There's no time like the present for postponing what you don't want to do.
  3. One thing that's good about procrastination is that you always have something planned for tomorrow.
  4. God put me on this planet to accomplish a certain number of tasks. As of today I am so far behind I will NEVER die.
  5. How long a minute is depends on which side of the bathroom door you're on.
  6. Time wounds all heels.
  7. The last 20% of a project requires 80% of the total time (80/20 rule).
  8. Men say that Time passes. Time says that men pass.
  9. In the long run..., we'll all be dead.
  10. Warning: dates in calendar are closer than they appear.
  11. I love deadlines. I love the whooshing sound they make as they fly by. (Douglas Adams)
  12. The more things change, the more they stay the same. And I would even say that the more it changes the more it's the same.
  13. Who controls the present, controls the past, and who controls the past, controls the future. George Orwell
  14. Don't be mad about growing old, some aren't that lucky.
  15. Just because it is inevitable, doesn't mean it's imminent.
  16. Of course, I need it today! If I wanted it tomorrow, I'd order it tomorrow!
Le Chatelier's Law If some stress is brought to bear on a system in equilibrium, the equilibrium is displaced in the direction which tends to undo the effect of the stress
Lerman's Corollary You are never given enough time or money to conduct field work.
Les Miserables Metalaw All laws, whether good, bad, or indifferent, must be obeyed to the letter.
Levy's Nine Laws of the Disillusionment of the True Liberal "Does anybody know who Marion J. Levy, Jr., is?
I would like to have permission quote his very good,
but copyrighted, laws."
The Liar's Paradox "This statement is false."
Lincoln's Rule It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt.
Long's Notes
  1. Always store beer in a dark place.
  2. Any priest or shaman must be presumed guilty until proved innocent.
  3. Always listen to experts.
    They'll tell you what can't be done, and why.
    Then do it.
  4. It has long been known that one horse can run faster than another -- but which one? Differences are crucial.
  5. .A poet who reads his verse in public may have other nasty habits.
  6. Small change can often be found under seat cushions
  7. It's amazing how much "mature wisdom" resembles being too tired.
  8. Secrecy is the beginning of tyranny.
  9. It's better to copulate than never
  10. Never appeal to man's "better nature."
    He may not have one.
    (Invoking his self-interest gives you more leverage.)
  11. An elephant: a mouse built to government specifications.
  12. A Zygote is a Gamete's way of producing more Gametes.
  13. God is omnipotent, omniscient, and omnibenevolent. It says so right here on the label. If you have a mind capable of believing all three of these divine attributes simultaneously, I have a wonderful bargain for you. No checks, please. Cash and in small bills.
  14. Waking a person unnecessarily should not be considered a capital crime. For a first offense, that is.
  15. Beware of altruism.
    It is based on self-deception, the root of all evil.
  16. Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.
  17. Rub her feet.
  18. To stay young requires unceasing cultivation of the ability to unlearn old falsehoods.
  19. Does history record any case in which the majority was right?
  20. Be wary of strong drink.
    It can make you shoot at tax collectors and miss.
  21. Never try to outstubborn a cat.
  22. Natural laws have no pity.
  23. You can go wrong by being too skeptical as readily as by being too trusting.
  24. Anything free is worth what you pay for it.
  25. Pessimist by policy, optimist by temperament -- it is possible to be both.
    How? By never taking unnecessary chances and by minimizing risks you can't avoid. This permits you to play the game happily, untroubled by the certainty of the outcome.
  26. "I came, I saw, SHE conquered." (The original Latin seems to have been garbled.)
  27. The greatest productive force is human selfishness.
  28. A skunk is better company than a person who prides himself on being "frank".
  29. The correct way to punctuate a sentence that starts:"of course it's none of my business, but...." is to place a period after the word "but". Don't use excessive force in supplying such morons with a period. Cutting his throat is only a momentary pleasure and is bound to get you talked about.
  30. Don't try to have the last word. You might get it.
Lord Falkland's Rule When it is not necessary to make a decision,
it is necessary not to make a decision.
Lowery's Law If it jams -- force it.
If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.
Lubarsky's Law of Cybernetic Entomology There's always one more bug.
M     A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Maier's law If the facts do not conform to the theory, they must be disposed of.
Malek's Law Any simple idea will be worded in the most complicated way.
Malinowski's Law Looking from far above, from our high places of safety in the developed civilization, it is easy to see all the crudity and irrelevance of magic.
Maps' law Whatever you seek on a map or large drawing will be in the most inconvenient, hard-to-find place (in a fold, near the edge, etc.).
Mars Rule An expert is anyone from out of town.
Marshall's Generalized Iceberg Theorem 7/8 of anything can't be seen.
Dean Martin's Definition of Drunkenness You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
Martin-Berthelot Principle Of all possible committee reactions to any given agenda item, the reaction that will occur is the one which will liberate the greatest amount of hot air.
Match's Maxim A fool in a high station is like a man on the top of a high mountain: everything appears small to him and he appears small to everybody.
Matsch's Law It is better to have a horrible ending than to have horrors without end.
McClaughry's Codicil on Jone's Motto To make an enemy, do someone a favor.
McClaughry's Law of Zoning Where zoning is not needed, it will work perfectly; where it is desperately needed, it always breaks down.
McGoon's Law The probability of winning is inversely proportional to the amount of the wager.
McNaughton's Rule Any argument worth making within the bureaucracy must be capable of being expressed in a simple declarative sentence that is bviously true once stated.
H. L. Mencken's Law Those who can - do.
Those who cannot - teach.
Those who cannot teach - administrate. (Martin's extension)
Merkin's Maxim When in doubt, predict the trend will continue.
Merrill's First Corollary There are no winners in life; only survivors.
Merrill's Second Corollary In the highway of life, the average happening is of about as much true significance as a dead skunk in the middle of the road.
Meskimen's Law There's never time to do it right, but always time to do it over.
Michehl's Theorem Less is more.
Pastore's Comment on Michehl's Theorem (Less is more) Nothing is ultimate.
Miller's Law You can't tell how deep a puddle is until you step into it.
Mobil's Maxim Bad regulation begets worse regulation.
Modell's Laws
  1. Nothing is so serious that it can't be teased until it is ragged at the edges.
  2. Nothing is so simple that it cannot be made too complex to work.
Murphy's constant An object will be damaged in direct proportion to its value.
Murphy's Laws Some of the fundamental Murphy laws:
  1. If anything can go wrong, it will.
  2. If it is possible for several things to go wrong, the one that will go wrong first will be the one that will do the most damage. (Also known as the .jelly side. rule: Bread always falls with the jelly side down, especially when over a valuable carpet.)
  3. If anything just cannot go wrong, it will anyway.
  4. Nothing is as easy as it looks.
  5. Nothing is ever as simple as it seems.
  6. Nothing is ever so bad that it can't get worse.
  7. When things just can't get any worse, they will.
  8. Everything takes longer than you think or expect.
  9. When things are going well, something will go wrong.
  10. In any field of scientific endeavor, anything that can go wrong will go wrong.
  11. If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.
  12. Things will get worse before they will get better -- and who said things would get better?.
  13. Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
  14. Every solution breeds new problems.
  15. Anything is possible, but nothing is easy.
  16. Enough research will tend to support your theory.

And many more Murphy laws ...

Addition to Murphy's Laws In nature, nothing is ever right. Therefore, if everything is going right ... something is wrong.
O'Toole's Commentary on Murphy's Law Murphy was an optimist.
Quantization Revision of Murphy's Law Everything goes wrong all at once.
Silberman's Paradox of Murphy's Law If Murphy's Law can go wrong it will
Uniquness of th Murphy's law Murphy's law is unique in physics in that it is the only law to prove and disprove itself.
Murphy's Laws of Combat Some of the basic laws:
  1. You are not Superman.
  2. If the enemy is in range, so are you.
  3. If it's stupid but it works, it isn't stupid.
  4. Incoming fire has the right of way.
  5. Never draw fire; it irritates everyone around you.
  6. Odd or conspicuous objects attract fire. Never lurk behind one.
  7. Don't look conspicuous, it draws fire.
  8. Armored vehicles are bullet magnets.
  9. Incoming fire has the right of way.
  10. There is always a way, and it usually doesn't work.

And many more Murphy laws of combat ...

Murphy's Laws of Information Technology
  1. Law of Inconvenient Malfunction: A device will fail at the least opportune possible moment.
  2. Law of Cable Compatibility: If you choose a cable and a connector at random, the probability that they are compatible is equal to zero.
  3. Law of Hardware Compatibility: The probability of a given peripheral being compatible with a PC is inversely proportional to the immediate need for that peripheral.
  4. Law of Bad Sectors: The probability that an untested diskette will have bad sectors is directly proportional to the importance of the data written onto the diskette.
  5. First Law of Selective Gravitation: When an object is dropped, it will fall in such a way as to cause the greatest possible damage to itself and/or other objects on which it lands.
  6. Second Law of Selective Gravitation: The tendency for an object to be dropped is directly proportional to its value.
  7. Law of Reality Change: Unalterable hardware specifications will change as necessary to maximize frustration for personnel affected by said specifications.
  8. Law of Noise: Noise bursts occur so as to cause the most, and/or most serious, errors in data communications, regardless of the actual amount of noise present.
  9. Law of Expectation: Consumer expectations always outpace advances in hardware technology.
  10. Law of the Titanic: If a device cannot malfunction, it will.
  11. Calculator and laptop computer batteries will fail at the most critical or disastrous times.
Murphy's Laws of Programming
  1. Law of Debugging: The difficulty of debugging software is directly proportional to the number of people who will ultimately use it.
  2. Law of Neurosis: The chances of software being neurotic (developing bugs spontaneously without apparent reason) is directly proportional to the confusion such neurosis can cause.
  3. Law of Available Space: If there are n bytes in a crucial software program, the available space for its convenient storage or loading is equal to n-1 bytes.
  4. First Law of Bad Sectors: The probability of software being mutilated by bad sectors is directly proportional to the value and/or importance of the programs.
  5. Second Law of Bad Sectors: When a program is mutilated by bad sectors, the damage will occur at the point(s) that result in the most frequent and/or severe errors when the program is run.
  6. Law of Noise: When a downloaded program is corrupted by noise, the corruption will occur at the point(s) that result in the most frequent and/or severe errors when the program is run.
  7. Law of Software Compatibility: If two programs are chosen at random, the probability that they are compatible is equal to zero.
  8. Law of Option Preferences: When two people share a computer, their software option preferences will differ in every possible way.
  9. Law of Expectation: Consumer expectations always outpace advances in software technology.
  10. Law of the Titanic: Bug-free software isn't.
Murphy's Law of Thermodynamics Things get worse under pressure.
Murphy's Law of Volcanology
  1. Seach's First Law of Volcanology:
    You will miss the eruption.
    Corollaries
    1. If two volcanoes are about to erupt, you will go to the wrong one.
    2.. If one volcano is about to erupt you will either get there one daytoo late or leave one day too early.
    3. The vent will erupt while you are changing films.
    4. The volcano will erupt while it is covered in clouds.
    5. You have to sleep sometime.
  2. Seach's Paradoxes:
    1. A decrease in eruptive activity increases the risk.Corollary: Beware of a quiet volcano.
    2. Getting to the volcano is more dangerous than the volcano itself.
    3. The organisation with the largest budget, will be the last to report the eruption.
  3. Seach's Laws of Achievement:
    1. The number of eruptions viewed, is inversely proportional to the number of meetings attended.
    2. The more money you have, the less you achieve.
  4. Jaffe's Precept:
    There are some things about a volcano which are impossible to know - but it is impossible to know these things.
N     A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Navy Law If you can keep your head when all about you others are losing theirs, maybe you just don't understand the situation.
Evvie Nef's Law There is a solution to every problem; the only difficulty is finding it.
Nessen's Law Secret sources are more credible.
Newton's Little-known Seventh Law A bird in the hand is safer than one overhead.
Nienberg's Law Progress is made on alternate Fridays.
Nixon's Rule If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.
Ninety-ninety Rule of Project Schedules The first ninety percent of the task takes ninety percent of the time, and the last ten percent takes the other ninety percent.
Nonreciprocal laws of expectations Negative expectations yield negative results. Positive expectations yield negative results.
O     A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
O'Brien's Principle (The $357.73 Theory) Auditors always reject any expense account with a bottom line divisible by 5 or 10.
Oeser's Law There is a tendency for the person in the most powerful position in an organization to spend all his time serving on committees and signing letters.
Olson's Law A good deed never goes unpunished.
Ordering Principle Those supplies necessary for yesterday's experiment must be ordered no later than tomorrow noon.
Orion's Law Everything breaks down.
Orwell's Bridge Law All hands are equally likely, but some are more equally likely than others.
Osborn's Law Variables won't, constants aren't.
O'Toole's Commentary on Murphy's Laws Murphy was an optimist.
Ozian Option I can't give you brains, but I can give you a diploma.
P     A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Satchel Paige's Rules for Good Living
  1. Avoid fried foods which angry up the blood.
  2. If your stomach disputes you, lie down and pacify it with cool thoughts.
  3. Keep the juices moving by jangling around gently as you walk.
  4. Go light on the vices such as carrying on in society.
  5. Avoid running at all times.
  6. Don't look back. Something might be gaining on you.
Pardo's Postulates
  1. Anything good is either illegal, immoral, or fattening.
  2. The three faithful things in life are money, a dog, and an old woman.
  3. Don't care if you're rich or not, as long as you can live comfortably and have everything you want.
Pareto's Law (The 2080 Law) 20% of the customers account for 80% of the turnover,
20% of components account for 80% of the cost, and so forth.
Parker's Rule of Parlimentary Procedure A motion to adjourn is always in order.
Parker's Law of Political Statements

The truth of a proposition has nothing to do with its credibility and vice versa.

Parkinson's Laws
  1. Work expands to fill time available for its completion; the thing to be done swells in perceived importance and complexity in a direct ratio with the time to be spent in its completion.
  2. Expenditures rise to meet income
  3. If there is a way to delay an important decision the
    good bureaucracy, public or private, will find it.
  4. The number of people in any working grouptends to increase
    regardless of the amount of work to be done.
Parkinson's Law of Delay Delay is the deadliest form of denial.
Pastore's Truth
  1. Even paranoids have enemies.
  2. This job is marginally better than daytime TV.
  3. On alcohol: four is one more than more than enough.
Peckham's Law Beauty times brains equals a constant.
Peer's Law The solution to a problem changes the problem.
Peter Principle In every hierarchy, whether it be government or business, each employee tends to rise to his level of incompetence; every post tends to be filled by an employee incompetent to execute its duties.
Corollary: Work is done by those individuals who have not yet risen to their level of incompetence.
Peter's Corollaries
  1. Incompetence knows no barriers of time or place.
  2. Work is accomplished by those employees who have not yet reached their level of incompetence.
  3. If at first you don't succeed, try something else.
Peter's Inversion Internal consistency is valued more highly than efficiency.
Peter's Paradox Employees in a hierarchy do not really object to incompetence in their colleagues.
Peter's Perfect People Palliative Each of us is a mixture of good qualities and some (perhaps) not-so-good qualities. In considering our fellow people we should remember their good qualities and realize that their faults only prove that they are, after all, human. We should refrain from making harsh judgements of people just because they happen to be dirty, rotten, no-good sons-of-bitches.
Peter's Placebo An ounce of image is worth a pound of performance.
Peter's Theorem Incompetence plus incompetence equals incompetence.
Photographer's Laws
  1. The best shots happen immediately after the last frame is exposed.
  2. The other best shots are generally attempted through the lens cap.
  3. Any surviving best shots are ruined when someone inadvertently opens the darkroom door and all of the dark leaks out.
Pierce's Law In any computer system, the machine will always misinterpret, misconstrue, misprint, or not evaluate any math or subroutines or fail to print any output on at least the first run through. Corollary to Pierce's Law
Potter's Law The amount of flak received on any subject is inversely proportional to the subject's true value
Productivity Equation The productivity, P, of a group of people is: P = N x T x (0.55 - 0.00005 x N x (N - 1))
where N is the number of people in the group, and T is the number of hours in a work period.
Professor Gordon's Rule of Evolving Bryographic Systems While bryographic plants are typically encountered in substrata of earthy or mineral matter in concreted state, discrete substrata elements occasionally display a roughly spherical configuration which, in presence of suitable gravitational and other effects, lends itself to combined translatory and rotational motion. One notices in such cases an absence of the otherwise typical accretion of bryophyta. We therefore conclude that a rolling stone gathers no moss.
Pudder's Law Anything that begins well ends badly.
Anything that begins badly ends worse.
Puritan's Law Evil is live spelled backwards.
Puritan's Second Law If it feels good, don't do it.
Q     A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Q's Law No matter what stage of completion one reaches in a North Sea (oil) field, the cost of the remainder of the project remains the same.
The Queue Principal The longer you wait in line, the greater the likelihood that you are in the wrong line.
Quigley's Law of Highway Driving When travelling down the freeway, the first bug to hit a clean windshield will always land directly in front of the driver's face.
R     A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Ralph's Observation It is a mistake to allow any mechanical object to realize that you are in a hurry.
Rangnekar's Modified Rules Concerning Decisions
  1. If you must make a decision, delay it.
  2. If you can authorize someone else to avoid a decision, do so.
  3. If you can form a committee, have them avoid the decision.
  4. If you can otherwise avoid a decision, avoid it immediately.
Rayburn's Rule If you want to get along, go along.
Law of Research Enough research will tend to support your theory.
Law of Revelation The hidden flaw never remains hidden.
Riddle's Constant There are coexisting elements in frustration phenomena which separate expected results from achieved results.
Rigg's Hypothesis Incompetence tends to increase with the level of work performed. And, naturally, the individual's staff needs will increase as his level of incompetence increases.
Robertson's Law Everything happens at the same time with nothing in between.
Ross' Law Never characterize the importance of a statement in advance.
Rudin's Law In a crisis that forces a choice to be made among alternative courses of action, most people will choose the worst one possible.
Rule of Accuracy When working toward the solution of a problem it always helps if you know the answer.
First Rule of Rural Mechanics If it works, don't fix it.
Damon Runyon's Rule Life is 6 to 5 against.
S     A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Sam's Axiom
  1. Any line, however short, is still too long.
  2. Work is the crabgrass of life, but money is the water that keeps it green.
Sattinger's Law It works better if you plug it in.
Shultz's Law No problem is so formidable that you can't just walk away from it.
Seay's Law Nothing ever comes out as planned on an expedition.
Segal's Law A man with one watch knows what time it is; a man with two watches is never sure.
Selective gravity Murphy's law An object will fall so as to do the most damage.
Jenning's corollary to Selective gravity Murphy's law An object will fall so as to do the most damage.
Sevareid's Law The chief cause of problems is solutions.
Shalit's Law The intensity of movie publicity is in inverse ratio to the quality of the movie.
Shanahan's Law The length of a meeting rises with the square of the number of people present.
Shaw's Principle Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will want to use it.
Shedenhelm's Law of Backpacking All trails have more uphill sections than they have level or downhill sections.
Simmon's Law The desire for racial integration increases with the square of the distance from the actual event.
Simon's Law Everything put together sooner or later falls apart.
Skinner's Constant (Flannegan's Finagling Factor) That quantity which, when multiplied by, divided by, added to or subtracted from the answer you get, gives you the answer you should have gotten.
Snafu Equations
  1. Given any problem containing 'n' equations will be 'n + 1' unknowns.
  2. An object or bit of information most needed will be least available.
  3. Any device requiring service or adjustment will be least accessible.
  4. Interchangable devices won't.
  5. In any human endeavor, once you have exhausted all possibilities and fail, there will be one solution, simple and obvious, highly visible to everyone else.
  6. Badness comes in waves.
Sociology's Iron Law of Oligarchy In every organized activity, no matter the sphere, a small number will become the oligarchial leaders and the others will follow.
Sock's law If odd socks can be created, they will be. The number of single socks in a drawer will approach the maximum.
Sodd's Second Law Sooner or later , the worst possible set of circumstances is bound to occur.
Spark's Rules
  1. Strive to look tremendously important.
  2. Attempt to be seen with important people.
  3. Speak with authority; however only expound the obvious and proven facts.
  4. Give all orders verbally. Never write anything down that can be used against you.
Spare Parts Principle The accessibility, during recovery of small parts which fall from the work bench, varies directly with the size of the part and inversely with its importance to the completion of work underway.
Steele's Plagiarism of Somebody's Philosophy Everyone should believe in something -- I believe I'll have another drink.
Stockmayer's Theorem If it looks easy, it's tough. If it looks tough, it's damn near impossible.
Sturgeon's Law 90 per cent of everything is crud.
Swipple Rule of Order He who shouts loudest has the floor.
T     A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Terman's Law There is no direct relationship between the quality of an educational program and its cost.
Terman's Law of Innovation If you want a track team to win the high jump you find one person who can jump seven feet, not seven people who can jump one foot.
Third Law of Office Murphology When a broken appliance is demonstrated for the repairman, it will work perfectly.
Theory of the International Society of Philosophic Engineering In any calculation, any error which can creep in will.
Thoreau's Law If you see a man approaching with the obvious intent of doing you good, run for your life.
Travel First Law It always takes longer to get there than to get back.
Troutman's Postulate
  1. Profanity is the one language understood by all programmers.
  2. Not until a program has been in production for six months will the most harmful error be discovered.
  3. Job control cards that positively cannot be arranged in improper order will be.
  4. Interchangeable tapes won't.
  5. If the input editor has been designed to reject all bad input, an ingenious idiot will discover a method to get bad data past it.
  6. If a test installation functions perfectly, all subsequent systems will malfunction.
Transcription Law The number of errors made is equal to the number of 'squares' employed.
Trueman's Law If you can't convince them, baffle them with science.
Truman's Law If you cannot convince them, confuse them.
Truths of Management
  1. Think before you act; it's not your money.
  2. All good management is the expression of one great idea.
  3. No executive devotes effort to proving himself wrong.
  4. Cash in must exceed cash out.
  5. Management capability is always less than the organization actually needs.
    5.1. Organizations always have too many managers.
  6. Either an executive can do his job or he can't.
  7. If sophisticated calculations are needed to justify an action, don't do it.
  8. If you are doing something wrong, you will do it badly.
  9. If you are attempting the impossible, you will fail.
  10. The easiest way of making money is to stop losing it.
Tuccille's First Law of Reality Industry always moves in to fill an economic vacuum.
U     A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
The Ultimate Laws
  1. By definition, when you are investigating the unknown, you do not know what you will find.
  2. All general statements are false.
Umbrella's law If you forget your umbrella, it will rain.
Unnamed Law If it happens, it must be possible.
The unspeakable law As soon as you mention something ....
... if it's good, it goes away
... if it's bad, it happens.
V     A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Vail's Axiom In any human enterprise, work seeks the lowest hierarchial level.
Lucy Van Pelt's Observation There must be one day above all others in each life that is the happiest.
Lucy Van Pelt's Observation Corollary What if you've already had it
DeVault's Razor There are only two laws:
  1. Someday you will die.
  2. If you read this, you are not dead yet.
Vique's Law A man without religion is like a fish without a bicycle.
Vonnegut's Corollary Beauty may be only skin deep, but ugliness goes right to the core.
W     A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Weaver's Law When several reporters share a cab on an assignment, the reporter in the front seat pays for all.
Weaver's Corollary (Doyle's Corollary No matter how many reporters share a cab, and no matter who pays, each puts the full fare on his own expense account.
Weber-Fechner Law The least change in stimulus necessary to produce a perceptible change in response is proportional to the stimulus already existing.
Weiler's Law Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.
Weinberg's Law If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization.
Weinberg's Corollary An expert is a person who avoids the small errors while sweeping on to the grand fallacy.
Westheimer's Rul To estimate the time it takes to do a task: estimate the time you think it should take, multiply by 2, and change the unit of measure to the next highest unit. Thus we allocate 2 days for a one hour task.
Williams and Holland's Law If enough data is collected, anything may be proven by statistical methods.
White's Chappaquidick Theorem The sooner and in more detail you announce bad news, the better.
White's Observations of Committee Operation
  1. People very rarely think in groups; they talk together, they exchange information, they adjudicate, they make compromises. But they do not think; they do not create.
  2. A really new idea affronts current agreement.
  3. A meeting cannot be productive unless certain premises are so shared that they do not need to be discussed, and the argument can be confined to areas of disagreement. But while this kind of consensus makes a group more effective in its legitimate functions, it does not make the group a creative vehicle -- it would not be a new idea if it didn't -- and the group, impelled as it is to agree, is instinctively hostile to that which is divisive.
White's Statement Don't lose heart...
Owen's Comment on White's Statement ... they might want to cut it out...
Byrd's Addition to Owen's Comment on White's Statement ... and they want to avoid a lengthy search.
Wiker's Law Government expands to absorb revenue and then some.
Wolf's Law (An Optimistic View of a Pessimistic World) It isn't that things will necessarily go wrong (Murphy's Law), but rather that they will take so much more time and effort than you think if
they are not to go wrong.
Work Rules
  1. The boss is always right.
  2. If the boss is wrong, refer to rule 1.
Worker's Dilemma Law (or Management's Put-Down Law)
  1. No matter how much you do, you'll never do enough.
  2. What you don't do is always more important than what you do do.
Wynne's Law Negative slack tends to increase.
Wyszowski's First Law No experiment is reproducible..
Wyszkowski's Second Law Anything can be made to work if you fiddle with it long enough.
Y     A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Yapp's Basic Fact If a thing cannot be fitted into something smaller than itself, some dope will do it.
Young's Law All great discoveries are made by mistake.
Young's Law Corollary The greater the funding, the longer it takes to make the mistake.
Z     A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Zimmerman's Law Regardless of whether a mission expands or contracts, administrative overhead continues to grow at a steady rate.
Zimmerman's Law of Complaints Nobody notices when things go right.
Zymurgy's First Law of Evolving System Dynamics Once you open a can of worms, the only way to recan them is to use a larger can.
(Old worms never die, they just worm their way into larger cans).
Zymurgy's Law on the Availability of Volunteer Labor People are always available for work in the past tense.
Zymurgy's Seventh Exception to Murphy's Laws
  1. When it rains, it pours.
  2. A really new idea affronts current agreement..
   

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

→ To the main page for “Wisdom and Folklore”

→ Към главната страница за “Мъдрост и Фолклор”

 
® “THE GATHERING PLACE of the physicists 1981”  © ➜ Author/By: Bozhidar Iliev (Bozho) 2006—2024